It just seems to get harder

I'm so tired of being sad all the time. Every time I resolve to be happier and try to take my mind of TTC every once in a while, it never works. The last week has been so tough and I think I have cried every day. We went to Corey's appointment with the urologist and he really didn't have much to say. He talked to us about Clomid but since it's not regulated for use in men and the stories I have heard haven't been success stories we decided not to use it. I did ask about Fertility Blend since there is research showing that it can help and he didn't seem real confident that it will help but like me, he figured that at least if it didn't help to increase his count, motility and morph then at least it's a vitamin blend and could help his overall health. I think we are going to try it and see what it does. The Dr. is sending him back for a repeat SA in October so hopefully that will give the Fertility Blend time to do some magic. He also recommended we go to a fertility clinic but he didn't have one to recommend. I called my Dr. and he referred us to a high rish pregnancy Dr. He thought we could start there and see if this Dr. can help us or send us somewhere else. The bad part is we can't get into him until Sept. 5th. UGH! I'm just going to hope that the Fertility Blend works a miracle and we get KU by the time that appointment rolls around.

I'm just ready for TTC to be over. It's not fun anymore. :(

CD1

I started a new cycle today. I was pretty upset this morning but I'm really going to try to stay hopeful this time around. It really worked for KatieLM on TTCAL. Congrats to her and her husband on their BFP! I'm going to try some different things this month. I'm going to drink green tea to increase my EWCM and also may try the Preseed again. I'm still going to eat the pineapple core even though it is really gross. Corey also has an appointment with Dr. Brandsted to discuss Clomid. We're not sure if he will take it or not but it will be good to hear about a possible next step. Anyway, that's where I'm at now and hopefully things will get better.

Pizza and a Movie

I'm making homemade pizza for dinner tonight and we are going to watch Over Her Dead Body. It should be a fun night, just the two of us. Plus Corey has the next two days off!

I gave Corey a card today letting him know that I'm here for him if he needs me. I know Mother's Day was particularly tough for me so I thought today might be hard for him. I don't know if he was trying to hide it or if he really isn't hurting as bad as I was. He seemed okay but was glad that I had thought of him. It did hurt me when he said I'm not a father though. He is a father, he just doesn't have a baby to hold. Hopefully I will be able to give him that someday very soon.

I'm not holding out hope for this cycle since Ovusoft changed my O date based on my temperature instead of my OPKs. There is still a slim chance but I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I have a feeling I ate that pineapple core too early and for nothing.

:)

This is my first month using OPKs and I got a smiley face yesterday! I've been using some internet cheapies but since I thought I was supposed to ovulate yesterday I used a digital too and sure enough...3 minutes later up popped a :). I was so excited you would have thought the word pregnant popped up. I know even with perfect timing there is still only a slim chance but seeing the smiley face makes me think we have a better chance. We had sex on Friday morning, Saturday afternoon, and we will probably have sex sometime in the middle of the night tonight. I really hope this works. Keep your fingers crossed please, and if you can do it, your toes too! :)

Long week

This is turning into one long week. I'm volunteering at Bible School in the mornings, trying to squeeze in some kind of workout in the afternoon and working in the evenings. I'm starting to get real tired and yawn all the way through Bible School in the mornings.

Our new bed is coming tomorrow and we are so excited. We need it so bad. Hopefully we will both be able to get a good night's sleep now. Plus, we keep thinking that the new bed will be the answer to our TTC prayers! ;) It's going to get here just in time for....

I'm about ready to ovulate. I noticed EWCM for the first time today and I got two lines on my OPK. It wasn't a positive OPK but the last two days there has only been one line but today there were TWO!