It's getting so hard to go to church

This is the second week in a row that I have broke out in tears in the middle of church. Today's sermon was about how God is the only one that can walk on water and when we are up to our necks in water he is right there next to us with a miracle. I couldn't help but think about how I am up to my neck in water and I could sure use that miracle he has waiting for me. I so badly want that miracle. The minister also said a prayer about remembering those that have lost a loved one and have to deal with an empty bedroom, nursing home room, empty committee member seat, etc, and all I thought about was that I have an empty(well it's not empty, but it's not full of baby things) bedroom at home that should be converted to a nursery at this point. He also went on to pray for the service men and women as in policemen, firemen, EMTs, etc. All of this while I'm sitting there alone since Corey was at work, he's a police officer. It's just getting harder not to cry at some point during church and today I didn't even bother getting up, I just sat there, alone, and cried.

I purposely did not sit by the lady that made me cry last week though. I knew I would be uncomfortable and she probably would have been too.

God, if you happen to read this, I could use that miracle you have waiting for me.