6 weeks

It has been 6 weeks since we got the most devasting news of our lives. I'm definetly having more good days than bad days but today was one of the bad days. I tested again today even though yesterday was a BFN and guess what today was too. I knew I should wait but I would rather see the negative than to wonder all day. I will test again tomorrow too. This whole thing has been pretty difficult on Corey and I. I've decided this must be the worse in "for better or worse". I cry a lot and often feel like Corey doesn't understand even though I know he does and he is just grieving differently. I hate that all I think about is how other people are having babies and I am not. I so bad want to be in thier shoes and I'm not and I can't help but be disappointed about it. I have a friend that I have only talked to once since the loss because she is pregnant and due about 3 weeks after my EDD. I hate that I don't feel like I can be happy for her. She has been through a loss and I know she knows how much I'm hurting but I feel horrible that I feel so sorry for myself when I should be feeling happiness for her.

I'm really trying to move forward by I'm feeling like I won't be able to do that until I'm finally pregnant with a healthy baby. Hopefully tomorrow I will be surprised with a BFP.